Yes, Syracuse, there is an NCAA tournament. Sensing a void in the calendar, I’ve assembled a bracket featuring the best of the worst misconduct spotlighted in the NCAA Infractions Report. Just like the real Selection Committee, I agonized over the seedings. Where, for example, to place violations related to the phony internship — in the YMCA or in Academic Shenanigans regional?
Ultimately, I looked at the body of work of each violation and did the best I could. In the spirit of men’s basketball coach Jim Boeheim’s defiant press conference last week: I take full responsibility although I did nothing wrong and you are stuck with me until I say so.
What am I forgetting? Oh, right — the rules. Here’s how the tournament will play out:
— Each “team” will be represented by a numbered dirty sock in one of four colors. The number will correspond with its seed; the color will correspond with its regional bracket. The socks will be laundered with their regional bracket-mates.
Drawings of socks from successive loads of laundry will be conducted by my director of Laundry Operations, my wife, Leigh. The first sock in any pairing plucked from a load advances to the next load until an ultimate winner is crowned. No compliance worries here. While I personally can’t be bothered to visit the laundry room, I completely trust Leigh to follow the rules.
What are you waiting for? Mark up your brackets and mail them to me at Syracuse New Times, 1415 W. Genesee St., Syracuse NY 13204. Or email them to firstname.lastname@example.org. Whoever picks the winning bracket wins $25.
Multiple winners share the pot. Hey, what do you think I’m made of — a huge YMCA slush fund?