Kramer

Taking Leaks To New Levels

Leaked emails show the humor columnist has nothing to hide.

Art by Natalie Davis

Go right ahead. Read ’em all, or as many of ’em as you can stomach. Obviously, all you people care about is what’s on my private email server. Far be it for me to stand in the way of your stupid investigation. 

What follows are the juiciest, most sensitive emails I could dredge out of my Gmail account. Please enjoy the shadowy, highly classified content. WikiLeaks will soon be spewing it all over Hell and Creation, anyway. Actual email addresses have been redacted and redirected to Julian Assange for his protection. Some content has been edited for clarity. 

Jeanette Kramer, aka “my mother,” 8/29/15

to me

It is unbelievable but right after we spoke we had a terrible windstorm of 70 mph and the power went off on microwave, alarm clock, TV, lights. Everything was pitch black. They were so considerate in helping me get back from the gym and brought me a special gluten-free sandwich with gluten-free power bars, orange, gluten-free potato chips. Imagine how hard they work to bring almost 300 box lunches to all the apts. They go out of their way to please me with gluten-free foods. By the way, Ilsa told me that probiotics, and cherry powder and oatmeal and Yogurt with blueberries and stevia along with turmeric and glucosamine boost her immunity. She lost her gallbladder and cannot eat much protein but looks very good.

Jeff Kramer 8/29/15

to Jeanette

Glad you’re OK. Sounds fierce.

Jeff Kramer 8/15/16

to Lyle (one of my former journalism professors)

Lily’s friend Lana has requested a hatchet for her birthday.  Thought you’d want to know what you started. Jeff

Lyle Harris Sr.  8/15/16

to me

Great! The game is open to women. Next year we’ll get some dynamite and blow up stumps.

Jeff Kramer  3/19/15

to The Hon. James H. Cecile

No sales of alcohol in NYS allowed between 4-8 a.m.

Hon. James H. Cecile 3/19/15

to me

Maybe you can get the legislature to change it. They like naming laws after people. How about Jeff’s Law? 

Jeanette Kramer (still my mother) 12/12/14

to me

I think I like raspberry or cinnamon or chocolate rugelach. If the whole amount costs over $50 I think I get free shipping plus freebies. Thank you for doing it for me. Mom

Jeff Kramer 12/12/14

to Jeanette

No prob.

Jeff Kramer 10/15/14

to everyone

My phone is missing. Until I get it resolved email is best way to contact me. Sorry for the inconvenience, especially mine.

Jeff Kramer 10/28/16

to everyone

NEWS ABOUT A SYRACUE STAGE PLAY — NOT MINE

(From a mass email that I recently sent in which the name of a certain city was prominently misspelled)

Dan Fitzpatrick, friend 10/28/16

What’s Syracue?

Jeff Kramer 10/28/16

Thanks, Dan.

Dick

Jeff Kramer 11/21/13

to everyone

Some of you reported difficulty with the link I sent earlier to the column. Sorry. This one should work.

Jeff Kramer 8/26/15

to Wayne Mahar (beloved TV weather personality) 

Wayne,

In my column I made a veiled reference to you in a password joke, but I spoiled it with a typo. I sent an email to the New Times asking them to insert the password wmahor3. I meant wmahar3. This was not an intentional pun, and I’m embarrassed and sorry.

The online version has been corrected.

Wayne Mahar 8/26/15

to Jeff

No problem, Jeff. Thanks.

Jeff Kramer 7/23/15

to Peter Nicholas, friend

Rough day here. Larry and Rondo mixed it up w another porcupine. They are having some surgery now. Old hat for us. Should be fine. Will keep you posted.

Peter Nicholas 7/23/15

to Jeff

Sorry to hear. Those porcupines are top of the food chain.

Jeff Kramer 7/23/15

to Peter

Not this one anymore.

Note to conspiracy theorists: “Porcupine” is not a code word for Hillary Clinton. It refers to an actual animal (now deceased). Larry and Rondo are not especially intelligent dogs.

Jeanette Kramer 7/26/14

to Jeff 

I finally did it. I gave Amazon my credit card number and now am able to buy books on my Kindle. I bought Unbroken and now I won’t bug you. Mom

Jeff Kramer 7/26/14

to Jeanette

Bingo!

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