Good morning, you beautiful person. Regardless on how you look upon rolling out of bed — the makeup you missed is smeared, you have linen lines (or carpet pattern) on your face, and/or your hair is sticking up in different directions — you can fake whine all you want in front of that mirror, but you have to get moving and out that door.
It’s important to start the day off well, and debating what side of the bed to wake up on is the actual right side of the bed is not the way. This could get messy, and fingers can be pointed. Some people may not have a choice as to what side of the bed they sleep on, thus being forced by one’s partner and their personal preference, and this could lead to even more domestic issues that transpire into other parts of life. “I don’t like the left side,” one could say, “but my partner makes me sleep on that side.” Regardless of your significant other’s agenda, such squabble could result in your sleeping on the couch or cot.
So let’s eat! Breakfast is the important meal of the day, and so it should be held in high regard. Whatever you eat, well, should bring attention to the type of person you may be. Some posts may be honest and snarky (see previous link), and some may just be sugar-coated and optimistic and/or reek of nonsense. However, Huffington does link to some good pastry recipes.
Coffee and Tea
Some may say beverages are not “food,” but you do consume liquids, and beverages are consumed in the morning. Coffee and tea are actually healthy for you. The beans and leaves come from natural resources, and they contain the caffeine kick to add fuel to your body and that extra bounce to your step. Some teas even contain more caffeine than coffee, if you’re concerned or not a coffee drinker. Although it may seem odd, loose tea has always been an “in thing,” even before the dawn of the modern day hipster.
Gatorade, Powerade, Etc.
Some people say these flavor drinks taste like favored sweat. At least there is flavor. However, the beverages should not be consumed on a regular basis, and especially if you are not participating in exercise.
Also, a person drinking these at work are probably hungover.
Soft Drinks, Soda, Pop, Soda Pop
Since this is opinion-based, there is a personal recommendation of being against consumption. There is uncertainty as to why one would start a day with such a beverage, or drink it as vehemently. If soda can unclog a drain, clean toilets and parts of cars, imagine what it can do for your digestive system.
No, the term diet does not make any difference.
Energy Drinks (Redbull, etc.)
Another urine-flavored beverage is actual urine. At least the latter is sterile and natural and won’t tear apart your weakening, unguarded innards.
Fruit, veggies, natural ingredients, milk, soy. What is there not to like? There is flavor, there is thickness, there is the essence of feeling full. This is probably the best on-the-go option for the person in a rush. Whether you’re on a cleanse or not, a healthy option is smart option.
Donuts, Croissants, Cronuts
No one usually goes for the plain and healthier donut: plain. BOR-ING! You’re inner child that has been toted along through the years via fuzzy animal leash is (secretly) all about the gratification of a donut. The more vibrant the frosting, the more sprinkles — the better … supposedly. You also can’t eat just one.
Oh, don’t give me that psssh attitude. Anyone in Central New York gets all giddy when bakeries decorate half-moon cookies and other pastry colors according to the season, holiday, and Syracuse University. You Instagram that stuff immediately like you have never seen it done before.
Croissants are the older, lighter, flakier, similarly versatile and more sophisticated sibling of the former.
Cronuts are simply foreshadowing for the worst that has yet to come. They may be trendy now, but the fervor will fade. Think of genetic engineering and the ethical cost of fucking with the natural order of things.
The Toaster Tasties
“There is no time.” That’s the excuse (for your own personal poor time management issues), but if you have enough time to pop something in the toaster, you may as well have time for a quick bowl of cereal. It’s not a multi-tasking thing, something to do while you get ready, because you have to keep an eye on the thing so it doesn’t burn. Whether it’s a toaster strudel or a Pop-Tart, mostly everyone gets pissy over a burnt piece of flavored cardboard. These preservative-filled sweet treats may be perfect for commuter purposes to subdue your greedy inner child pangs, but you’ll have eyes rolling at you from all directions.
Toast and Bagels
Bread freshly singed from the toaster. It can be topped with maple butter, butter-butter, cream cheese, fresh fruit or fruit jam or preserves and/or peanut butter. If something isn’t broke, don’t fix it.
The “sophisticated” of bread/pastries. It’s best to admit that you are eating such a snack with your nose up in the air. It’s as pretentious it sounds while rolling off your tongue, and it makes the least amount of sense. Those who consume brioches could be the often sushi consumers, those who spend their weekends at MoMA and bullshitting about art. (Note: These people do not include hipsters; hipsters will actually take the time to look up the history and meaning behind pieces of art. Hipsters want to be right for “street cred” purposes.)
The more common pastry when compared to the brioche. The French pastry is a part of the fritter family, and it can be decorated with little to heaping mounds of powdered sugar. The beignet takes the Christopher Malone award for Exceptional Pastry.
Benevolent. Benign. Beignet. The prefix “ben” or “bene” both mean the same thing: good or well. As the name of the pastry implies: it is, in fact, that good. Beignets, as they may be the messiest morning pastry with consideration to the powdered sugar, they will initiate the most amount of jealousy among your family and friends and coworkers.
Cereal, Granola, Oatmeal
Cereal is good any time of of the day, and it doesn’t matter what brand you go with. It’s annoying as hell that cereals have more than five varieties — Cheerios has 15 varieties — so, it’s probably best to stick with the classics. Cereals are filled with vitamins and nutrients, and they only seem to get healthier. You can add whatever milk — standard, soy, almond, etc. — to your cereal. Getting the standard cereal, you can add your own fresh fruit to it and not wonder how old the in-box fruit is.
Some people love a good soggy cereal; that would make them more accepting and tolerant. If you can’t stand eating soggy cereal: eat faster or add more to the bowl. It’s also important to finish the left over milk; we don’t waste food. If you give the excuse of being lactose intolerant, why are you consuming cereal and milk? You’re doing it wrong.
The same goes for granola and oatmeal. Whether plain or spruced up, the bowl of whatever you have can be customized and spruced up to your liking. There’s nothing wrong with that, and there is nothing wrong with sitting down and actually enjoying a meal.
There is no such thing that magically appears from a can. If there is, share the wealth.
Breakfast Burrito and Sandwiches
Eggs, veggies, meat, potatoes … all wrapped up into one hearty breakfast delight without the spillage. Let’s face it. Any Spanish, Mexican, or Southwest themed meal is a bold and flavorful choice when “breakfastized.” You’re a risk taker, and you don’t mind making a few people jealous with such a choice.
The hearty breakfast sammy can dominate your breakfast pangs and hold you over for and maybe even through lunch when done correctly. Savory is saving.
There is one thing better than “breakfast” pizza: leftover pizza. If you’re going to eat carbs, you may as well enjoy leftovers. The easy-to-eat food contains cheese/dairy, meat, and/or veggies. What’s so wrong with that? It’s practically the same thing as eating a breakfast burrito.
This worldly favorite comes in all shapes, sizes, and thicknesses. The bigger, the better (in my opinion). The more additions for a creative pancake — ’tis the season for pumpkin and apple — the more delicious. Simple, sophisticated, and satisfactory.
Eggs and Omelettes
When cracked upon a skillet, an egg spreads out as if it wants to give you a hug. The more eggs, the merrier and the bigger the potential hug. The egg embraces all that is put inside of it: cheese, meats, veggies and fruits, and even thinly sliced spuds. The result of an omelette is magical. Eggs welcome pepper and spices of all kinds, and everyone seems to have their own preference of omelette to define themselves with.
If you’re that excited about eggs, go forth with a scramble or a frittata, the spazzy and rebellious twin cousins of the omelette.
Snacks: Dark Chocolate and Fruit
Need a sugar kick? A handful of dark chocolate, whether it’s covering nuts or contained in something or straight up, the natural sugar and antioxidants will not kill you.
Fruit — so awesomely basic that the food group needs no elaboration.
Whether you’re seeking a simple Saturday breakfast or a go-big-or-go-home Sunday brunch — anything goes with brunches — you have plenty of options to choose from. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, and it’s so important that it could define your week or month or quarter or entire year.
Breakfast is so good and important that it tastes amazing at dinner (“brinner”).
Please see your local markets and establishments for a variety of healthier options.
Christopher Malone plays with more thoughts and words at his blog, The Infinite Abyss(es), and at Kinani Blue. He can also be found creating worlds and playing with invisible objects with the Syracuse Improv Collective. Feel free to tweet at @Chris___Malone, or email him at firstname.lastname@example.org.