Tech Roundup
by Joe Cunningham - Thursday, August 28th, 2014
Watches, tweets and shocks

Here are a few tidbits of what’s happening in the world of tech.

Apple To Announce iWatch Next Month?

Never fear, Apple’s version of the wrist-wearable tech is finally almost sort of here. Amid competition that is already out there (Android), the “I” version of this thing to replace that ticking thing you’ve worn since 1883 is coming. Probably in 2015. But then again, that’s what they said about the Batman/Superman movie.

Rumor has it, the iWatch will play music, turn your home lights on and off, track how bad your health is getting since Netflix was founded, vaporize neighborhood bullies with it’s stun-to-kill capacities, and perhaps even tell time. We are not sure yet.

This New App Will Print Your Tweets on What?

Yes.  Guess what it’s called?

Shitter will sync with your Twitter feed and deliver a toilet roll of your tweets right to your door.

Sheds new light on what matters most in life.

And This Arm Band Will…

Want to train yourself to say “Excuse me” in Russian every time you bump into someone? Why not zap yourself with about 12,000 volts of electricity if you f- it up?

This new bracelet called “Pavlok” (of course it’s called that) will do just that! (Sort of.) Having trouble getting up for your fitness routine? Want to start your diet tomorrow, again?

[Insane] Users can set it according to what you feel comfortable in terms of quantity of reps and voltage. Can’t get from 99th push-up to 100? Nevermore. If you fail, your bum-hairs will never forget it.