Among Salt City’s Sights: Our Own Humor Columnist Celebrity
by Jeff Kramer - Wednesday, May 21st, 2014
A Vacation Plug for Syracuse

Celebrities including Billy Joel, Meryl Streep and Vanessa Williams expound on the wonders of New York in a series of new 30-second tourism videos paid for by you, the taxpayer (Click here to WATCH THEM). What’s wrong with that picture? Incredibly, no one in the ILoveNY campaign asked me to provide a celebrity testimonial for Syracuse, which looks to be thoroughly dissed by the ad campaign.

Et tu, Vanessa?

Fine. Be that way.

With a major assist from the Syracuse New Times’ multi-media impresario Ty Marshal, I’ve created my own tourism video starring me, local celebrity person Jeff Kramer, and featuring the historic city of Syracuse that – Hello? – sits smack in the middle of the very state Albany seeks to promote.

WATCH:

Share it with the world via social media to ensure we get a slice of the tourism pie. If you prefer an Old School media experience, here’s a printed transcript to enjoy with your Coumadin and Jell-O.

TOURISM VIDEO: JEFF KRAMER FOR SYRACUSE

(Open with panorama shot of Syracuse.)

I’m Jeff Kramer, and I love Syracuse, New York. There’s no place like it. Actually, I live in DeWitt, which is an eastern suburb, but even that gets confusing because my mailing address is Jamesville. The Syracuse area has a lot of government.

Some people complain that there’s too much wasteful duplications of services, but that’s how we like it here. You got a cousin who needs a no-show job with a pension and health insurance? How ya gonna make that happen? The private sector? Please.

I chose to live in Syracuse because … OK, I didn’t. My wife made me move here. She’s from Syracuse, and she wanted to come back. Before we came here, all full of optimism and stuff, we lived in Southern California. People sometimes ask me if I miss it there. I just smile and say: “What do you think, asshole?”

But I’ve made my peace with it because the upside is tremendous. People here are real, and together we all experience the magic of the four seasons: Pre-Winter, Seasonal Affective Disorder, Mud and Road Construction.

Let me show you some of my favorite places in The ’Cuse:

Onondaga Lake is one of the most beautiful urban lakes in the world, and everyone here looks forward to the day we can have physical contact with it without having our critical organs sprout tumors the size of mangos. We’re proud of the great work being done, albeit by court order, to clean up this wonderful lake, and the progress is there for all to see. Native fish have return in large numbers, and boy, do they look normal.

(Shot of Kramer being attacked by freakishly huge sunfish.)

And there’s so much more.

With its colorful history and impeccable snow removal operation, Syracuse is the cultural leader of Central New York …

(Shot of Great New York State Fair, Salt Museum, Adult World)

… and a global innovator in gourmet dining …

(Shot of all-you-can eat Asian buffet, bag of Salt potatoes, Olive Garden, Jeff eating chicken wings)

… as well as the region’s media hub. In fact, I used to write for the not-quite daily newspaper right over there, The Post-Standard …

(Shot of old Post-Standard building)

… but I quit because they told me I wasn’t part of their core mission. But it’s not like I hold a grudge. Syracuse is too small and too friendly for grudges.

(Shot of Kramer knocking over Post-Standard honor box.)

Whether we’re cheering for our beloved Orange …

(shot of Jim Boeheim rushing the court v. Duke)

… Saving the rain …

(shot of Kramer holding a large bucket and looking skyward)

… Or shopping at one of our intimate specialty boutiques…

(Show Kramer about to enter an inner city corner store, then thinking better of it.)

… Syracuse delivers an unforgettable experience.

No wonder I’m proud to call Syracuse my home. You know, one of the main reasons we moved here is because it’s such a great place to raise a family. There’s a real sense of community, a looking out for the little guy …

(Shot of Destiny USA, Shot of National Grid)

… And rock solid American values. In Jamesville, where I live, we know that if there’s ever a problem, we can always turn to our neighbors …

(Shot of Jamesville Correctional Facility)

So, come discover your favorite part of Syracuse. Once we get the Web site working, plan your summer vacation at farworseplacesontheplanetthansyracuse.com.

No matter what you might have heard elsewhere, Syracuse doesn’t totally suck.

Jeff Kramer

Email Jeff Kramer at jeffmkramer@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter at @JKintheCuse.

 

 

 

 

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