News & Blues

Curses, Foiled Again

Police were pursuing hit-and-run suspect Keith W. Brown, 54, in Waynesboro, Va., when Brown’s SUV got stuck in a large pile of mulch and soft clay. Brown exited the vehicle and tried to flee on foot—using a walker. He was quickly arrested. (Staunton’s The News Leader)

A man entered the Grant Street Barber Shop in Akron, Ohio, pulled a gun and demanded money. The barber told police he refused to hand over the money and dared the robber to shoot him. The gunman aimed at the barber and pulled the trigger, but the weapon jammed. The suspect fled empty-handed. (Akron Beacon Journal)

Rear Ended

South Korean authorities arrested eight men they said tried to smuggle gold out of the country by hiding it in their rectums. The scheme involved converting $260,000 worth of gold bars into small beads, which the men then inserted in their anuses so they could sneak the gold past customs officials. (Associated Press)

Louis Helmburg III, a student at West Virginia’s Marshall University, is suing Alpha Tau Omega fraternity and fraternity member Travis Hughes for injuries Helmburg claims he suffered at a party when Hughes tried to fire a bottle rocket from his anus. “Instead of launching,” the lawsuit claims, “the bottle rocket blew up in the defendant’s rectum, and this startled the plaintiff and caused him to jump back” and fall off the deck. (United Press International)

Why Recycling Pays

Firefighters were unable to extinguish a blaze at a home in Tempe, Ariz., because more than two feet of empty beer cans on the floor blocked the front door. “They couldn’t even open it,” fire investigator Michael J. Reichling said, adding that when firefighters finally managed to get inside, the beer cans prevented them from going upstairs. The house was destroyed. (Phoenix’s KSAZ-TV)

Money Laundering Scheme

Police arrested Jose Veras, 21, after observing him in the laundry room of an apartment complex in Louisville, Ky., stuffing cash in a washing machine. Officers, who said Veras didn’t live at the apartment, reported finding more than $1,000 scattered throughout the halls and in the washer. (Louisville’s WDRB-TV)

Chance of a Lifetime

President Obama was supposed to congratulate Wilbur and Theresa Faiss at a speaking event in Las Vegas on the eve of their 79th wedding anniversary, but they arrived too late and were dropped from the president’s prepared remarks. Wilbur Faiss, 100, said he’d been assured that the couple would be invited the next time the president visits Las Vegas. (Associated Press)

Condiment Follies

Special needs teacher Lillian Gomez was suspended from her job at a Kissimmee, Fla., elementary school after she was accused of pouring hot sauce on crayons to stop autistic children from putting them in their mouths. (Orlando’s WFTV-TV)

Heavy Metal

Two people trying to remove scrap metal from an abandoned five-story building in Detroit were killed when part of the building collapsed on them. The Rev. Kevin Johnson, whose Calvary Presbyterian Church is next door, said he’d seen the men regularly at the building for the past few months, pulling out every scrap they could. “They were getting into the skeletal structure, the beams that actually hold the floor up,” he said. “They literally just tore it apart.” (Detroit’s WWJ-TV)

Schools in southeast Los Angeles County reported a rash of tuba thefts. “All they took were tubas,” South Gate High School music teacher Ruben Gonzalez Jr. said after thieves pried open the band room. Authorities attributed this and similar thefts to the high prices the brass instruments bring on the black market — even an old, dented tuba can fetch $2,000 — and Southern California’s banda music craze. Banda is dance music, popular among the region’s large Mexican immigrant population, played by brass and woodwind instruments and anchored by the tuba. (Los Angeles Times)

What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

 A report in the British scientific journal Nature proposed controlling wildfires in Australia by introducing elephants and rhinoceroses Down Under. “A major source of fuel for wildfires in the monsoon tropics is gamba grass, a giant African grass that has invaded north Australia’s savannas,” David Bowman, a professor of environmental change biology at the University of Tasmania, wrote. “It is too big for marsupial grazers (kangaroos) and for cattle and buffalo, the largest feral mammals. But gamba grass is a great meal for elephants or rhinoceroses.” Bowman conceded that introducing wild elephants to Australia “may seem absurd” but pointed out “the only other methods likely to control gamba grass involve using chemicals or physically clearing the land, which would destroy the habitat. Using mega-herbivores may ultimately be more practical and cost-effective.” (Agence France-Presse)

Fatal Ironies

Medical researcher Dr. Richard Olney, 64, devoted 18 years to seeking a cure for amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS), better known as Lou Gehrig’s disease. He died Jan. 27 of ALS, which he battled for the last eight years. (Associated Press)

Home birth advocate Caroline Lovell, 36, died after the delivery of her second child at home in Melbourne, Australia. (Victoria’s Herald Sun)

Better Than Billboards

The Los Angeles Police Department warned city real estate agents to stop using unmanned aircraft to take aerial photos and videos of homes for sale. Noting the pictures being posted on Realtors’ websites have been taken from several hundred feet off the ground, the same altitude many police helicopters fly at, Sgt. George Gonzales explained the drones pose a potential safety hazard and could violate federal airspace regulations. (Los Angeles Times)

The new FAA Reauthorization Act orders the Federal Aviation Administration to develop rules for the testing and licensing of commercial drones by 2015. Once the agency clears their use, the commercial drone market in the United States could be worth hundreds of millions of dollars. It forecasts that 30,000 drones could be in the nation’s skies by 2020. The FAA has already licensed hundreds of drones to police and other government agencies, including the Department of Homeland Security, and to a handful of research institutions. (The Washington Times)

Current Events

A helium-filled balloon, probably a Valentine’s gift, knocked out power to 15,099 Southern California Edison customers. Edison official David Song said metallic balloons often cause power outages by shorting out lines and transformers, but in this case it shut down an entire substation in Fontana. Song said balloons cause the most outages around Valentine’s Day and June school graduations. (Associated Press)

Libertarian Health Care

Police said Hubert Lee Credit, 39, stole an ambulance that responded to an emergency call in Tampa, Fla. “I got beat up by four guys,” Credit explained after officers stopped him. “I saw the ambulance, and I was going to drive myself to the hospital.” Instead, police charged Credit and had ambulance personnel drive him for treatment for a head wound. (Tampa Bay Times)

Missing the Point

Five pharmaceutical companies that make the children’s leukemia drug methotrexate said they’ve slowed or stopped manufacturing the drug because a critical nationwide shortage is causing high demand. (ABC News)

At least 37 people were killed in South Sudan during a shootout at a peace conference aimed at ending violence. Deputy Defense Minister Majak D’Agoot explained the gunfight in Mayendit began after “a problem occurred” between police attending the conference from Unity state and police attending from neighboring Warab state. “Each side thought they were attacked” by the other and returned fire, D’Agoot said.  (BBC News)

How Rightsizing Works

Concessions International announced it was laying off 530 servers, bartenders, kitchen managers and other workers at its restaurants at Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport. The announcement was followed by another that the airport is adding concessions, including several restaurants operated by Concessions International, that will result in some 1,600 new jobs. “We’re hoping that some of the people being laid off will capture some of those 1,600 jobs,” Deborah Lum, executive director of the Atlanta Workforce Development Agency, said. (The Atlanta Journal-Constitution)

There Oughta Be a Law

Conceding that it has no chance of passing, Arizona Rep. Katie Hobbs introduced a bill that would require advertisers who retouch photos to run a disclaimer alerting consumers: “Postproduction techniques were used to alter the appearance in this advertisement. When using this product, similar results may not be achieved.” Hobbs said she hopes to bring attention to “body-image issues, especially with young girls.” (Phoenix’s The Arizona Republic)

Ammo Upgrades

U.S. weapons experts are developing a self-guiding bullet that can steer itself to its target. Using an optic sensor to identify the target and tiny fins to correct its course, the 4-inch bullet, developed by a subsidiary of defense contractor Lockheed Martin, is designed to be accurate at distances of at least a mile and a quarter. “We can make corrections 30 times per second,” researcher Red Jones said. Calling the bullet “a revolution for ground forces” that “may help cut down on civilian casualties in future conflicts,” Britain’s Royal United Services Institute think tank worries nevertheless about its being marketed to the public, especially after the researchers issued a press release identifying potential customers as “the military, law enforcement and recreational shooters.” (BBC News)

U.S. and German researchers have come up with a new gun and bullets that don’t have to hit their target to kill, just come close. Prototypes have been tested by U.S. troops in Afghanistan. Intended to negate the advantage of cover, the 25mm bullets have a small computer that monitors their flight path. A computer in the XM25 rifle programs each round before it’s fired. When the bullet nears the target, it explodes, sending shrapnel that strikes anyone in the vicinity, even those behind cover. The gun costs around $35,000, and bullets cost several hundred dollars each. They’re made by hand, so the cost could lower to around $25 once production is automated. (The Economist)

News and Blues is compiled from the nation’s press. To contribute, submit original clippings, citing date and source, to Roland Sweet in care of The New Times.