Curses, Foiled Again
Boston police reported that a man walked into a bank and handed a teller a note that read, “Give me all your money.” The teller refused, informing the would-be robber the window was closed. He moved over to the next teller, where a customer scolded him for cutting in front of the line. When the second teller and a customer in line told the man he’d have to take off his sweat shirt’s hood, the suspect refused and left empty handed. (The Boston Globe) Police concluded that Darin E. Moore, 49, smashed a window with his hand so he could break into a ground-floor apartment in Columbus, Ohio, but the broken glass severed an artery in his arm, and he bled to death. (The Columbus Dispatch)
Second-Amendment Follies
Garrett Bauernschmidt, 75, tried to shoot a large snake near the front door of his house in Volusia, Fla., but missed. While he was manipulating the safety on the .38 caliber handgun, the weapon accidentally fired, wounding his left hand. (Daytona Beach News-Journal) Three tourists were hospitalized after being shot while watching an Old West shootout in Hill City, S.D. Authorities couldn’t say whether bullets or shrapnel from a blank caused the injuries and won’t speculate until they complete their investigation, which Pennington County sheriff’s Lt. Marty Graves indicated could take months. (Rapid City Journal)
Rules, Rules, Everywhere a Rule
Mayor Ray Alborn of Ruidoso, N.M., issued an executive order prohibiting anyone from entering a village building with a firearm. When citizens protested that the gun ban is unconstitutional, Alborn refused to change his mind, declaring, “I don’t care where they carry the guns, they just don’t need to carry them in village buildings.” (El Paso’s KVIA-TV) When Principal Traci Williams banned miniskirts at Piedmont Hills High School in San Jose, Calif., she explained the policy meant cheerleaders would have to cover their newly shortened uniform skirts with sweat pants except at games. Some cheerleaders objected, insisting that not being able to wear their uniforms to classes would dampen school spirit, but Williams defend-ed the dress code, declaring, “Cheeks are hanging out.” (San Jose Mercury News) The City Council of Gould, Ark., adopted an ordinance making it illegal to form any kind of group without its permission. (The New York Times) Florida Gov. Rick Scott said he wants the Legislature to repeal more than 1,000 state rules and change more than 1,200 others. Many of the rules duplicate federal regulations, or are obsolete or unnecessary and hinder the state’s economic growth, Scott noted, explaining they’re “so complicated people have to hire consultants to figure out how to comply.” (The Miami Herald)
Enhancement Follies
After a 26-year-old woman’s silicone breast implant burst when she was shot in the chest by a paintball, UK Paintball, which operates 50 paintball centers, began asking “surgically enhanced female participants” to identify themselves when making reservations so they can sign a disclaimer and be issued extra padding to protect their implants while paintballing. “We want as many people to enjoy paintball as possible, regardless of whether their breasts are fake or real,” a company official said. Noting that paintball bullets travel “at around 190 mph,” the official added, “Part of the fun of paintball is that it hurts a bit when you get shot.”(Britain’s Daily Mail)
Fred Flintstone Wanna-be
Police in Roseville, Mich., said a 26-yearold roofer stopped to check his brakes, which apparently had failed, then continued driving, using his feet outside the car door as brakes. He wasn’t able to stop in time to avoid running a red light at an intersection and hit two cars. He drove off, still using his feet as brakes, and hit two more cars at another intersection. He then stopped and was arrested, according to Deputy Chief James Berlin, who said the man would face a judge “to explain his moronic decision-making.” (Detroit Free Press)
Going Too Far
Four men in ski masks ambushed a man and his girlfriend sitting in a pickup truck, then drove them to the man’s house in Miami, Fla. Police said they took the man inside, beat him up and tied up him, his wife, his mother and two children while they ransacked the house. Before leaving with cash and jewelry, they brought in the girlfriend and introduced her to the man’s wife, then left her with the others. (Miami’s WPLG-TV)
Low-Rise Living
Hindered by the world’s most expensive real estate prices and strict zoning laws that forbid changing the perimeter of a house or adding to its height, well- to-do Londoners eager to enlarge their homes have begun excavating beneath them. Extending as many as four levels, underground expansion includes not just swimming pools, but also home theaters, fitness centers, gyms, wine cellars, bowling alleys, squash courts, climbing walls, servants’ quarters, saunas, waterfalls, Jacuzzis, hair salons and multicar garages with elevators to move vintage car collections to and from the surface. Projects involve hauling away as many as 400 truckloads of dirt. (The New York Times)
Schlemiel, Shemozzle, Hasenpfeffer Incorporated
After the Australian Defense Force took 12 years to complete the purchase of MU90 anti-submarine torpedoes, ADF officials admitted they have no idea how the European-designed weapons work because secret technical documents pertaining to them are written only in Italian and French. As a result, Australia’s Defense Materiel Organization now has to hire a translator, at a reported cost of $110,000 (U.S. $114,000). “They’ll be having to look for somebody who has the technical ability to translate technical documents, and that is not straightforward,” Andrew Davies, director of operations and capabil-ity for the Australian Strategic Policy Institute, said, adding, “I believe the technical term for this project is a shemozzle.” (Australian Broadcasting Corporation)
Fool for a Client
Gary DeVaughn LaBon, 50, elected to act as his own lawyer after being accused of kidnapping, raping and beating a 69year-old woman in Hawthorne, Calif. He introduced little evidence to refute the prosecution’s case and didn’t testify on his own behalf, but in his closing argument he denied raping the woman, telling an Airport Courthouse jury that he beat her in self-defense because he feared for his life, believing the victim was a gang member. Judge Kathryn Solorzano ordered jurors to disregard most of what LaBon said. (Torrance’s Daily Breeze)
Keeping to the Schedule
Terrified passengers aboard a bus in China’s Hunan province begged their driver to stop after the rear wheels fell off. Driver Shi Shao, 48, told police in Shaoyang he thought he’d just hit a pothole and continued on, even though the passengers saw the rear axle behind them in the road and could feel the floor of the vehicle becoming hot from scraping along the road. “The potholes around here are bad,” one passenger said, “but nothing could be that bad.” (China’s Global Times)
Fox in the Hen House
A $750 million-a-year Illinois program subsidizing childcare for 150,000 poor families hired convicted rapists, child molesters and other violent felons as baby sitters. A prime example is Cornelius Osborne, who was convicted of raping two women and other assorted felonies, from robbery to failing to register as a sex offender, and repeatedly sent to prison before the state’s Child Care Assistance Program hired him to baby-sit two children. For more than two years, Osborne was paid nearly $5,000 before his latest conviction, for dealing drugs, returned him to prison. (Chicago Tribune)
Correction
The Winter Times Special Events calendar (Dec. 7-14) lists the Syracuse Crunch as playing the Binghamton Senators at home on Dec. 31. Actually, the game is Dec. 30, at 7:30 p.m. The New Times apologizes for the error.
News and Blues is compiled from the nation’s press. To contribute, submit original clippings, citing date and source, to Roland Sweet in care of The New Times.
