Curses, Foiled Again
Two men wearing heavy makeup, women’s clothing and wigs held up a Denver jewelry store at gunpoint, forcing the owners to unlock display cases. They then stuffed the jewelry in garbage bags and fled. Sonny’s Rocks owners Mark Allen and Mike Nedler told police the stolen items were mostly display samples that are worthless outside the store. (Denver’s KCNC-TV)
Thieves broke into a British museum in Hertfordshire and used a large hammer to pry loose two rhinoceros horns from taxidermy displays. The stolen horns would have been worth about $400,000, Natural History Museum officials said, only the displays were resin replicas with no financial value. (BBC News)
Avian Adventures
Authorities in Volusia County, Fla., said Mark Bausch forced his way into a blind woman’s home, shoved her to the ground and stole a pet bird he had traded to her. Bausch told sheriff’s deputies he missed the bird, a sun conure worth $300, which he swapped for $50 and a computer. Bausch complained the computer ran too slowly. (Orlando’s WKMG-TV)
After firefighters in Coral Springs, Fla., freed a parakeet from a car’s grill, the Sawgrass Nature Center & Wildlife Hospital said at least 60 people called asking to take the recovering bird. Thirteen insisted it belongs to them. Center volunteer Anita Youngblood said those claiming ownership will compete to attract the bird’s attention to prove their claim; otherwise, the bird will be put up for adoption. (South Florida’s Sun-Sentinel)
Aviation Adventure
A 40-year-old New Zealand man was taking a hovercraft he built himself for its first ride when something went wrong with the engine that caused a propeller blade to cut off his head, according to Auckland police Sgt. Colin Nuttall. (The New Zealand Herald)
Advances in Asshology
Scientists have created an artificial sphincter to combat fecal incontinence, which “because of degenerated or weakened internal anal sphincter has a high incidence rate in aging populations.” They reported in the journal Gastroenterology that they developed the “cellurized anal sphincter” by combining human muscle cells with mouse nerves, then growing them on a circular scaffold to make replacement sphincter rings. They implanted the lab-grown rings in mice, where they performed as intended. The team’s foresees developing the prosthesis for humans. (USA Today)
Homeland Insecurity
The latest threat to national security is “paperwork terrorists,” according to officials in several states from New Jersey to California. People claiming to follow an obscure religion called Moorish Science have been filing bogus legal documents, often written in confusing legal jargon and making outlandish claims about being exempt from U.S. laws. “These are people who engage in the most bizarre leaps of logic,” said Mark Potok, director of the Intelligence Project for the Southern Poverty Law Center in Montgomery, Ala. “They literally believe that if you lowercase the “u” in the phrase United States, you will break the bonds of government tyranny and become a free man.”
Their motives include financial gain, causing a nuisance and maliciously targeting enemies. The bad filings include deeds, liens and other documents. Their latest ploy is moving into foreclosed homes and changing the locks. Pursuing theft or fraud charges is complicated by state laws that vary on whether filing sham paperwork is in itself a crime. (Associated Press)
Who Needs Medicare?
Police responding to a call from a woman in Glendale, Calif., found her 63-year-old husband lying naked on a lounge chair with the handle of a 6-inch butter knife protruding from his stomach. The man apparently had attempted surgery on himself to remove a hernia, according to police Sgt. Tom Lorenz, who noted that as officers waited for paramedics to arrive, the man pulled out the knife and shoved a cigarette he was smoking inside the open wound. (Glendale News-Press)
Guns for All
When Charles W. Sykes Jr., the District of Columbia’s only licensed gun dealer, lost his lease, he couldn’t find another location because of strict D.C. zoning limitations. But federal law requires the city have at least one federally licensed gun dealer to handle lawful transfers of guns from other states. In response, the zoning commission approved an emergency proposal that let Sykes set up shop inside police headquarters and pay just $100 a month rent. (The Washington Times)
Litigation Nation
After graduating at the top of her class at McGehee High School, Kymberly Wimberly, 18, is suing the Arkansas school for racial discrimination because it named a white student with a lower grade point average as her co-valedictorian. Wimberly, who took Advanced Placement and honors courses and maintained the top GPA, even after she gave birth to a daughter during her junior year, said her mother, who works at the school, overheard school officials say they wanted to avoid the “big mess” of having her as valedictorian. (ABC News)
The husband of Diane Schuler, who killed eight people, including herself, while driving a minivan the wrong way on a highway for two miles while under the influence of alcohol and marijuana, is suing the state of New York because he insisted it didn’t keep the road safe and failed to provide signs warning against driving the wrong way. (Cortlandt’s The Daily Cortlandt)
Incendiary Devices
About a dozen Brigham Young University students suffered burns while dropping homemade gasoline bombs down a mineshaft in Utah County, Utah, when their fuel container accidentally spilled and caught fire. Sheriff’s deputies pointed out that the area in the Tintic mining district is a popular spot for college students to play with fire. (Salt Lake City’s KSL-TV)
Joseph P. Williamson, 31, was checking for sugar in the gas tank of his girlfriend’s car in Pinellas County, Fla., by siphoning gas with a leaf blower. Sheriff’s official Tom Nestor said a spark from the blower caused an explosion that seriously burned Williamson. (Tampa-St. Petersburg’s Bay News 9)
Slightest Provocation
Gabriel James Gamez, 22, shot two high school football players in a parking lot in Durham, N.C., according to authorities, because he objected to their eating peanuts and dropping the shells on the ground. One of the boys died. (Raleigh’s The News & Observer)
