Curses, Foiled Again
Facing five years in prison for forging drug prescriptions, Michelle Elaine Astumian, 41, appeared for sentencing in San Luis Obispo County, Calif., with a doctor’s note requesting a postponement. Prosecutor Dave Pomeroy called the doctor, who declared the note was a forgery. (Associated Press) Facing prison for scamming $450,000 from 23 investors in his bogus securities scheme, Samuel McMaster Jr. convinced New Mexico prosecutors to let him go free so he could repay his victims with his poker winnings. Only McMaster lost. He was ordered to prison for 12 years — and to make full restitution. (Associated Press)
Trouble Under Their Noses
After budget cuts forced Chillicothe, Ohio, to close two of its three fire stations, the state cited the third station as a potential fire hazard and ordered the department to assign a firefighter to patrol the firehouse to make sure it isn’t on fire. The firefighter on patrol can perform no other duties, according to the state fire marshal’s office. Until a costly firedetection and alarm system is installed and the existing sprinkler system passes inspection, the state said that whenever 10 or more firefighters are on duty, one must be assigned to stand “fire watch.” When only nine — the minimum required staffing — are on duty, the city will pay an additional firefighter overtime to repeatedly walk from the basement to the second floor and back. (The Columbus Dispatch) Burglars broke into a police station in Uddington, near Glasgow, Scotland, during the night when the office was closed and stole uniforms and radios. “At no time has the safety of the public or any officer been jeopardized as a result of this break-in,” insisted a Strathclyde Police official. (Reuters)
Opening the Floodgates
Tennessee lawmakers voted to remove a law that set an age limit of 1-year-old on breast-feeding in public, despite the objection of Sen. Bo Watson (R-Hixson). “Is 35 a child? I know that sounds crazy, but I’m thinking of a situation in a bar where maybe things got a little crazy,” Watson orated. “I know I’m going way out on a fringe thinking a 14-year-old, but weird things happen in our society.” (Knoxville News-Sentinel)
Hot to TrotAn unidentified man caught fire while watching videos at a San Francisco porn shop and ran out the front door “engulfed in flames,” according to police Lt. Kevin McNaughton. Officers across the street from the Golden Gate Adult Superstore saw the man and summoned firefighters, who happened to be only a block away. They extinguished the flames, which caused severe burns over 90 percent of the victim’s body. Arson investigators couldn’t say why the man caught fire. (San Francisco’s KCBS-TV)
How Rich Folks Think
Authorities in Polk County, Fla., charged Richard Ludwig, 54, with finding a lost credit card and using it to buy two large pizzas with extra olives. When sheriff’s deputies asked if financial problems might explain his action, the Michigan dentist, who said he was visiting Central Florida to watch his son play in a baseball tournament, reportedly laughed and informed them that his net worth was between $3 million and $4 million. He did admit that risking his career and reputation for a couple of pizzas was “dumb.” (Orlando’s WKMG- TV)
Trial Separation
Acting on a tip, Brazilian police found a 64-year-old woman locked in a basement in Sao Paulo state while her husband lived upstairs with another woman. Insisting Sebastiana Aparecida Groppo was mentally ill and aggressive, Joao Batista Groppo, 64, explained he’d kept his wife confined for 16 years. He later revised that to eight years. “He told us that locking her up was the only way he could think of to prevent her from wan dering off and getting lost,” police inspector Jaqueline Barcelos Coutinho said. “She does have psychiatric problems, but she is definitely not an aggressive person.” (BBC News)
Domestic Rewards
Texas state Rep. Debbie Riddle proposed a bill creating tough punishments for those who “intentionally, knowingly or recklessly” hire an unauthorized immigrant — except “for the purpose of obtaining labor or other work to be performed exclusively or primarily at a singlefamily residence.” By exempting maids and lawn caretakers, the bill, according to Riddle’s chief of staff, Jon English, would avoid “stifling the economic engine” in Texas. (CNN)
Warning Labels Can’t Anticipate Everything
A fire rescue unit responding to a call of someone choking at a Dallas, Texas, apartment found “a 69-year-old female, sitting on the toilet, with a toilet paper holder impaled in her neck,” Dallas Fire Rescue Public Information Officer Jason Evans said. Deciding to remove the toilet paper holder at the scene because it still had a roll of toilet paper on it, rescuers used bolt cutters to cut off one end, and the remaining piece fell out on its own. The woman apparently fell, Evans explained, “and the toilet paper holder just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.” (Dallas’ KTVT-TV)
Problems Solved
Zionist Israeli rabbis launched a campaign to marry gay men and lesbian women — to each other. Rabbi Areleh Harel of the West Bank settlement of Shilo said his 12th couple just announced their engagement, and he has a waiting list of 30 gays and 20 lesbians seeking matches. Pairing the two groups helps religious homosexuals avoid violating the halakhic prohibition of homosexual sex by seeking other solutions, Harel said, pointing out, “A family isn’t just sex and love.” (Israel’s Haaretz)
Labor Pains
The Montana Supreme Court ruled that Brock Hopkins is entitled to workers’ compensation after a captive grizzly bear at a drive-through park where he worked mauled him while he was feeding it. Hopkins admitted smoking marijuana before the attack. The court upheld the findings of the Montana Workers’ Compensation Court, which had characterized Hopkins’ actions as “mind-bogglingly stupid” but noted that grizzlies “are equal opportunity maulers” without regard to marijuana consumption and the lack of evidence of Hopkins’s impairment. (Kalispell’s Daily Inter Lake)
Power to the People
When the city planning department approved construction of a 50-foot-tall cell tower across the street from Stephen Stuart’s home in Palo Alto, Calif., Stuart called his colleagues at the nonprofit group that provides the city with a free Internet connection and asked them to pull the plug. The Internet Systems Consortium agreed to Stuart’s request and notified city officials that it was disconnecting City Hall and other municipal buildings. Stuart, who helped the city maintain its free Internet connection since 1994 through his contacts with different technology firms because he felt it was his civic duty, said city planners’ approval of AT&T’s cell tower violates numerous codes and could hurt property values. “This isn’t a threat,” he declared. “This is a consequence.” (San Jose’s The Mercury News)
Go Green, Pay Green
A bill in Oregon’s House of Representatives would require owners of electric and plug-in hybrid vehicles to pay for the miles they drive to compensate the state for the gas taxes they don’t pay. The 1.43-cents fee amounts to the same as the gas tax paid for a vehicle that gets 21 miles per gallon. (Associated Press) Lawmakers in cash-strapped Washington state are considering charging owners of electric vehicles a flat $100-a-year fee, regardless of miles driven. (Associated Press)
Dishonor Roll
Although Ryan Ricco, 18, was charged with threatening to blow up two suburban Chicago schools and ordered to wear an electric monitor to assure that he leaves home only to attend his own school in Des Plaines, Ill., Judge Garritt Howard changed the conditions of Ricco’s bond to allow the teenager to play in a basketball tournament. (Chicago Tribune)
Hard Times Indicator
Organizers of an annual Massachusetts job fair canceled this year’s event because of the lack of jobs. Richard Shafer of the Taunton Employment Task Force said only 10 employers signed up of the 20 to 25 needed to fund the fair, which has been held in Taunton most years since 1984. (Taunton Daily Gazette)
Why Flashlights Were Invented
A 15-year-old Florida boy used a candle to look underneath a bed for his dog, but the candle caught the bed on fire. The fire spread, according to St. Petersburg Fire Rescue Lt. Joel Granata, destroying the house and killing the dog. The boy suffered minor smoke inhalation. (St. Petersburg Times)
News and Blues is compiled from the nation’s press. To contribute, submit original clippings, citing date and source, to Roland Sweet in care of The New Times.
