news & blues

Curses, Foiled Again

Army prosecutors said Pvt. Jonne T. Wegley, 19, wanted out of basic training at Fort Benning, Ga., so badly that he offered a fellow recruit $5,000 and a job to shoot him in the left leg so he could get out of the Army with a medical disability. He figured he’d still be able to use his right leg to drive. Instead of barely wounding Wegley, however, the bullet from the M-16 rifle mutilated his left leg. He needed 25 surgeries, a total reconstruction of his knee and multiple skin grafts, and he suffered nerve damage so severe that he has no control of his left foot. On top of that, a court martial sentenced him to four months’ confinement and a dishonorable discharge. Wegley’s attorney, Maj. John Calcagni, admitted his client’s scheme was unnecessary, explaining all he had to do to get kicked out of the Army was to tell his sergeant that he refused to train. (Columbus, Ga.’s Ledger-Enquirer) Rescue workers who found Sherin Brown, 23, trapped under a steel light pole in New York City said she told them the pole fell on her, causing back and neck injuries. After she was taken to the hospital to be treated, investigators reviewing nearby surveillance videos saw a passing tractor-trailer clip the pole. The footage showed Brown jumping out of the way of the falling pole, then crawling under it just before help arrived. She was charged with falsely reporting an emergency. (New York’s Daily News)

Loophole Capitalism

German entrepreneur Siegfried Rotthaeuser figured out how to overcome a European Union ban on light bulbs of more than 60 watts. After calculating that higher-watt bulbs produce more heat than light, the mechanical engineer from Essen began importing 75- and 100-watt light bulbs from China as “small heating devices” and reselling them as “heatballs.” Costing 1.69 euros each ($2.38), the first batch of 4,000 sold out in three days. (Reuters)

Helmet, Schmelmet

Kyle Johnson, 25, was given only a 5 percent chance of surviving after he shattered his skull by falling off his skateboard near his home in Salt Lake City, Utah. Doctors said his brain swelled so much it “nearly exploded,” forcing them to saw off both sides of his skull. The operation left him with just a tiny strip of bone down the center of his head to protect his brain. Doctors kept him in a drug-induced coma and stored the rest of his skull in the freezer for two weeks, until the swelling went down and they could put it back together using plates and screws. He’s now expected to make a full recovery. “Normally I wear a helmet,” Johnson said, “but on this day, I just went down the hill on a whim.” (Britain’s Daily Mail) Andy Duncan, 47, suffered three brain hemorrhages, a heart attack, a broken neck and back, and eight broken ribs after he lost control of his bicycle in West Lothian, Scotland, and crashed into a ravine. The crash sent him flying across the handlebars and falling 10 feet. He admitted not wearing a helmet because he was “only going up the street” to catch his son, who had ridden off without his helmet. (The Scotsman)

Low-Mileage, Only One Owner

When British Prime Minister David Cameron decided the government couldn’t afford two new aircraft carriers that the previous government had ordered, a review found the contracts would cost more to cancel than to fulfill. The two carriers will be built, costing 3 billion pounds each ($4.8 billion), but the first, HMS Queen Elizabeth, will be retired once the other is finished, without ever carrying the jet aircraft it’s designed to. Government sources indicated the mothballed carrier won’t return to service and would probably be sold to another country to recoup some of its cost. (Britain’s The Telegraph)

Slightest Provocation

Police arrested a 41-year-old man in Oshkosh, Wis., for punching a 27-year-old acquaintance in the face during an argument over which one could outperform the other on a military physical training test. (Oshkosh’s The Northwestern)

Anti-Social Networking

Roy Williams, 46, set up a Facebook account using the fake name of John Smith to befriend his ex-girlfriend, Traci Dishman, 41. Three days after they met online, she agreed to go on a date with him and met him at an apartment building, where, according to prosecutors in Lincoln, Neb., she started up the stairs and was shot three times. Williams pleaded no contest to attempted murder. (Nebraska’s York News-Times) Nearly a third of the teenagers on Facebook are ready to unfriend their parents for nagging chats and clueless comments, left mostly by mothers, on their children’s online profiles, according to an AOL study. “The moms like to overshare about things like menopause that their kids want nothing to do with or know anything about,” said Jeanne Leitenberg, 27, who launched a website called “Oh Crap! My Parents Joined Facebook” with Erika Brooks Adickman, 28, who observed that mothers tend to use Facebook “as a way to reattach the umbilical cord.” (Los Angeles Times)

Judge Judy Justice

A debt-collection agency set up a room in its office in Erie, Pa., to look like a courtroom, complete with a raised area where a judge would sit, attorney’s tables and legal books on bookshelves, according to Pennsylvania’s Bureau of Consumer Protection. The agency’s lawsuit charges that Unicredit Debt Resolution Center used people dressed as sheriff’s deputies to summon consumers to “the courtroom,” where a person dressed in black would preside over fake proceedings “to deceive, mislead or frighten consumers into making payments or surrendering valuables to Unicredit.” The lawsuit is seeking restitution for victimized consumers. (Associated Press)

To Tell the Truth

Leon Murray, 25, told police in Boynton Beach, Fla., that two men pistol-whipped him at an automated teller machine and stole $400 cash, his bankcard and his .45-caliber handgun. When police questioned him, Murray admitted making up the robbery story, explaining he owed his mother $400 and needed an excuse because he didn’t have the money. (Southwest Florida’s Sun Sentinel) Washington State Patrol criminal records manager Heather Anderson was arriving for work in Olympia, Wash., when she noticed a book on the seat of a parked car about “how to beat the lie detector.” She called the human resources department to see if any job applicants were taking a polygraph test. One was. Authorities matched the candidate to the car and promptly rejected him. Past misdemeanors don’t automatically disqualify job applicants, patrol official Dan Coon said, but lying does. (Associated Press)

Ye of Little Faith

James Solakian, a shareholder of Bible.com Inc., sued the company’s board members, accusing the ordained ministers of failing to profit from the corporation’s Internet property. The website features ads and a verse of the day, and offers links for biblical answers to questions on voting and masturbation. Citing the company’s business plan, which states “it is the goal of the board of directors of Bible.com to become very, very profitable,” Solakian’s suit claims the directors refused to run the company in a profitable way or sell the site, which he described as a “goldmine.” The suit notes a valuation by a potential purchaser that estimated bible.com could be worth more than dictionary.com, whose recent sale topped $100 million. (Reuters) Jason Michael Carlsen, 25, filed a lawsuit against two drinking partners who failed to call police after he fell—or, as some suggest, was pushed—off a 200-foot cliff in Redding, Calif. Instead, Sarah Elisabeth Koivumaki and Zachary Gudleunas, who later said they thought Carlsen was dead, tried, according to the suit, to pray Carlsen back to life. The two were students at Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry, whose members believe prayer can heal people and revive the dead. The suit claims that when Carlsen remained still, the two spent hours debating whether to call the police before they decided to cover up evidence that they’d been there and flee. After lying in the open for six hours, Carlsen spent more than a month in a coma and, two years later, is a paraplegic. (Redding Record Spotlight)

Cwazy Wabbits

Cars parked at Denver International Airport have had their wiring chewed through by rabbits, according to reports from returning travelers. “We’ve seen rabbits, and we’ve seen mice, and they’re eating up the newer cars,” said Robert Bauguess, owner of Bavarian Autohaus, which services Volkswagens. He said the rodents favor 2002 and newer models, many of which use a soy-based compound in the wiring. “We are aware of the problem,” traveler Dexter Meyer said airport officials told him after he reported that rodents had chewed his wires “and that they were thinking about increasing patrols” of the lots. Meanwhile, he was told, “Well, there is a fence.” (Denver’s KWGN-TV)

News and Blues is compiled from the nation’s press. To contribute, submit original clippings, citing date and source, to Roland Sweet in care of The New Times.