News & Blues 9/1

Potato Head Blues

Hasbro and PPW Toys announced they’ve signed a deal with the Elvis
Presley estate to release an Elvis version of Mr. Potato Head. The first
model, wearing a jumpsuit, was introduced for Elvis Tribute Week in
August. A second model, dressed in black leather, will be out in time
for Christmas. (Memphis’ The Commercial Appeal)

Way to Go

Investigators said a car traveling at 92 mph ran off the road in
Willowick, Ohio, then hit an embankment and went airborne. The car flew
173 feet, crashed into the side of an apartment building between the
third and fourth floors, bounced off and landed in a parking lot, where
police found the driver, Carmen Ritacco, 26, dead. (Cleveland’s WEWS-TV
News)

An out-of-control sport utility vehicle veered across a median strip
and six lanes of traffic in Fairfax County, Va., before jumping the curb
and hitting two bicyclists on a bike path. The Dodge Durango killed one
cyclist, 18-year-old Abdel Ouahid Chadli, and injured another before
crashing into a tree, killing driver Gary Anthony Thorne, 31. The
incident occurred on National Bike to Work Day. (The Washington Post)

When Randal Grubb, 63, leaned out of his SUV to pick up mail he
dropped onto the road in front of his home in Spring Township, Pa., he
fell out of the vehicle, which then dragged him down the street and
pinned him against a concrete wall. Grubb’s wife, a passenger, wasn’t
able to stop the vehicle from rolling forward and called authorities,
who pronounced Grubb dead at the scene. (Johnstown’s WJAC-TV News)

Practical Plane Geometry

Secret Service agents questioned Alabama high school geometry teacher
Gregory Harrison, whose lesson in parallel lines and angles used the
example of assassinating the president. Joseph Brown, a senior in the
geometry class at Jefferson County’s Corner High School, said Harrison
“was talking about angles and said, ‘If you’re in this building, you
would need to take this angle to shoot the president.’” Special agent
Roy Sexton decided the teacher’s remarks didn’t constitute a credible
threat, but school Superintendent Phil Hammonds said, “We are going to
have a long conversation with him about what’s appropriate.” Afterward,
Harrison publicly apologized as part of a negotiated settlement that
lets him keep his job. (The Birmingham News)

Give and Take

Georgia’s Gwinnett County has asked some 180 county workers to return
more than $39,000 they received in bonuses 16 years ago. Authorities
blamed the overpayments on a payroll anomaly that occurred when the
county adjusted employees’ payroll cycles. (The Atlanta Journal-Constitution)

A Pennsylvania man who won a $2,001 slot machine jackpot at Erie’s
Presque Isle Downs & Casino not only must give back the money, but
also faces criminal trespass charges. The 55-year-old Waterford Township
resident had previously banned himself from casinos under a state
program for problem gamblers. (Erie Times-News)

Reasonable Explanations

After a North Carolina jury convicted Michael Ryan of first-degree
murder, he told a Gaston County judge that he wants to be sentenced to
death but without actually being executed. He explained that being on
death row would gain him the respect of his fellow inmates. (The Gaston Gazette)

Appearing in federal court in Billings, Mont., Dale Leroy Satran, 46,
admitted illegally killing a bald eagle but said he thought it was a
porcupine. (Associated Press)

After inspectors condemned a 3-year-old, five-story condominium
building in Norristown, Pa., because its load-bearing cinderblock walls
weren’t filled with concrete and steel rods, as required by code,
builder R. Bruce Fazio insisted the hollow walls came “as a surprise to
me.” He blamed the masonry contractor, although he couldn’t recall the
person’s name. (Philadelphia Inquirer)

Lemming See, Lemming Do

The same day Apple toppled Microsoft as the world’s leading
technology company, it announced it is investigating the apparent
suicides of 11 workers at the Chinese factory that makes Apple’s
iPhones. While denying that working conditions at the Foxconn Technology
plant in Shenzhen prompted the deaths, Foxconn officials said they have
begun putting safety nets on buildings to discourage suicide attempts
by the company’s 800,000 Chinese employees. (The New York Times)

Driving While Distracted

Ohio truck driver Thomas Wallace, 45, pleaded guilty to manslaughter
after his rig rear-ended a disabled car on the New York State Thruway
and killed the driver. Authorities said Wallace didn’t see the victim’s
vehicle because he was watching pornography on his laptop computer. (The Buffalo News)

Authorities said a single-car crash in Garbutt, N.Y., that sent four
teenagers to the hospital was caused by driver Bryan Parslow, 19, who
fainted while he and the other three were trying to hold their breath
when driving through the hamlet. Monroe County Sheriff’s investigators
said that after Parslow lost consciousness, the car left the road,
struck a tree and then hit a large boulder. The teens told deputies at
the scene that they were all holding their breath as part of a game they
had played before. (Rochester’s WHEC-TV News)

Shiksappeal

The Toronto police department has added a new hate-crime victim
category: “non-Jewish Shiksa.” The term “Shiksa” is a slur for
non-Jewish woman, making the category not only redundant, but also
baffling to the Canadian Jewish Congress, which accused the Toronto
Police Service of pushing the anti-hate law “to its most absurd level.”
Noting that the police also investigated hate crimes against teachers,
feminists, infidels, police, Nazis and pedophiles, CJC CEO Bernie Farber
said, “You just can’t apply it to literally everything.” (Canada’s National Post)

Spit Happens

New York’s Metropolitan Transportation Authority reported that 51
city bus drivers took an average of two paid months off last year to
recover from being spat upon by upset riders. The drivers’ union
classifies the indignity as an assault, entitling spitting victims to
paid leave. One driver needed 191 days to recover. (Associated Press)

Stop the Presses!

The world’s largest chocolate maker declared that its new formula
could fight wrinkles and slow the aging process. Conceding that
chocolate “is probably at the bottom of the list when you think about
making food healthier,” Barry Callebaut Chief Innovation Officer Hans
Vriens said the Swiss company’s studies showed that a daily dose of 0.75
ounce of its specially developed chocolate, fortified with antioxidants
and flavanols preserved during the manufacturing process, boosts skin
elasticity and improves hydration. (Reuters)