Derby Day

Assault City kicks off its 2009 season
with a bout against the Roc City Roller Girls of Rochester on Saturday,
May 9, 7 p.m., at the Baldwinsville Ice Arena, 2725 W. Entry Road,
Baldwinsville. In addition to the swiveling short skirts underlined
with fishnet stockings accentuated with Bettie Page lipstick and
mascara, the gals will also be puckering each other with hip-checks,
shoulder bumps and many other forms of skin-on-skin mayhem.

“It’s a dangerous sport,” said Johanna
Bolos, Assault City president; she becomes Princess Impaler when she
laces up the skates (they all adopt derby personas for competition).
“We’ve got about 30 girls on the team, but only 15 that are ready to
bout. For any of us to compete, there is a skill test we must pass
established by the WFTDA {Women’s Flat Track Derby Association}, and
those that haven’t passed it yet we call ‘fresh meat.’”

At the time of the March 5, 2008 “Shake, Rattle and Roll” Syracuse New Times
cover story on Assault City, the league comprised 15 total members
split into three teams: Syracuse Psycho Dolls, Ithaca Suffer Jets and
the Auburn Prison City Ramblers. Since then, membership has snowballed
to the point that each city has a roster large enough to field its own
team and became independent from one another for what Bolos described
as “logistical travel reasons.”

Assault City has had five official
bouts—most recently against the Green Mountain Derby Dames in
Burlington, Vt.—but has yet to rack up a win. Another one of those
bouts was against the Queen City Roller Girls of Buffalo. “Resident
Eva,” a former member of that team, branched out and started the Roc
City team less than a year ago and Bolos is hoping they can snatch
their first victory against the rookie rollers. 

“We’ve been very competitive our last
couple of bouts and have come very close to winning,” she said. “This
is {Roc City’s} third bout so we’re hoping for our first win. But it’s
not going to be easy.”

For those not hip to the basics of derby
action, here’s what to expect at the Baldwinsville Ice Arena. Five
members of each team will take the oval track: 88 feet around and 13 to
15 feet wide. Four wait at the starting line, referred to as the
“pack.” The fifth is stationed a few feet behind the pack in a position
dubbed the “jammer.” They are responsible for scoring points for their
team and are identifiable by a cover worn over their helmet with a
single large star on it. 

When the whistle blows to start a bout,
the pack takes off and, as soon as there is 20 feet of distance between
them, the jammers follow. Scoring begins after the jammer successfully
passes through the pack. From that point on, every member of the
opposing team the jammer passes again accounts for one point. Referees
are stationed on the inside and outside of the track and are
responsible for monitoring different aspects of the game, such as
tallying the point count or keeping an eye out for any gross
misconduct, such as illegal tripping or fighting. Those infractions can
result in a trip to the penalty box or ejection if the circumstance is
severe enough. 

Hitting is allowed between the hip and
shoulder, but elbows have to be clenched to the waist during contact.
Hip-shaking an opponent is also legal, as is the
no-explanation-required booty block, which is imperative when trying to
clear a path for the jammer to pass opponents and rack up points. 

Like hockey, the competition is divvied
up into three 20-minute periods. Each individual bout within a period
lasts two minutes, at which point teams can substitute players and
rotate the lineup to preserve energy. This is absolutely necessary as
time winds down and thighs start burning.

“I still get butterflies before
matches,” continued Bolos. “But I’ve been doing it for about a year and
half now and the more you do it, the more confidence you gain. And when
the action starts, it all goes away and it’s all business.” 

The event is dubbed “Bouting for Boobies,” with some of
the proceeds going to the Carol M. Baldwin Breast Cancer Research Fund
for CNY. Tickets to the event are $10 for general admission. Front-line
seating, which is anywhere within 10 feet of the track, costs $20 if
you purchase the day of the event. But for the front-line dockets, you
must be 18 and your ID will be checked, because as Bolos pointed out,
“You’ll probably end up with a roller girl on your lap.” And if you sit
front-line waiting for that to happen with a dollar bill in your teeth,
you’ll probably get them knocked out. These chicks mean business.   

During the 15-minute intermission
between each period, Kismet will rock out live music, while Black Mamba
Skateboards of Mattydale will be staging demos; 50/50 raffles and food
will be sold. Tickets can be purchased at the door or beforehand at
Black Mamba, 2211 Brewerton Road, Mattydale (214-5224), or at
www.brownpaperbagtickets.com. Bolos mentioned that Assault City is
always looking for new members, so for enrollment possibilities and to
find out more about the league, visit assaultcityrollerderby.com or
call 403-5054.

—Tom Kahley

Wheels of fire: The gals of the Assault City Roller Derby will provide fast times at the Baldwinsville Ice Arena on Saturday night.MICHAEL DAVIS PHOTOS