Gas, Pizza… and Maybe More Gas

There’s nothing wrong with eating gas station pizza other than it proves your human.

Who has the best gas station pizza in Central New York?

Mainely, it was good to get away

Coastal Maine was the perfect place to decompress from the rigors of family life.

Maine gets in your blood, and I’m not just talking about the bee venom. My wife Leigh and I just returned from a week there -- no kids! -- and I can’t say enough about the place. Scenic. Wild. Quirky. Certainly the no kids factor skewed our opinion a little. Had we gone to Paterson, N.J., I’d have a similarly glowing report as long as Miranda and Lily were at their respective sleep-away camps and not sharing our hotel room.

Focus on Westcott: All the News That’s Fit to Sell

I’m counting on you to overlook the discrete differences between my “regular” column and this new ethically compromised version.

This column was bought.

Speed Dating in Bouckville with an Electra 225

Kramer’s 1969 Buick is still fussing about wanting a new owner after a visit to the Bouckville Classic Car Show.

Bouckville? Seriously?

When Beavers Go Bad

What you should do if you’re assaulted by a beaver.

You’re gassing up at Hess or waiting for your pager to buzz at Panera and suddenly it happens: You’re attacked by a rabid beaver. Will you know what to do?

Everybody Loves a Parade

To counter a community-wide build up of unreasonable expectations, I’m featuring this floor plan of my personal signature home.

While it’s a lovely event, the annual Parade of Homes can intimidate. All that beautiful new furniture and cabinetry. Those ingenious floor plans blissfully free of clutter. And light … so much light. Upon returning home to the deeply imperfect domicile where one actually lives, there’s an understandable temptation to reach for a gas can and a match.

My Big Fat Greek Banishment

My presence was making people “uncomfortable.”

At least Socrates got a trial.

It’s Just Time to Move On … in a Buick

California Dream Girl Seeks Passionate Road Warrior

Gracefully Aging California Dream Girl Seeks Passionate Road Warrior with Disposable Income and Good Hair I’m a curvy middle-aged head-turner who is looking for a new relationship with a licensed motorist who isn’t intimidated by a powerful presence. I have a huge body and a slight drinking problem, but I’m tons of fun. Literally. If you’re tired of cheap, immature, plastic types and ready to cruise down Large and Lovely Lane, we should talk.

Why Wait When You Have Trader Jeff’s?

Let’s talk business

Know what I’m doing at this very moment? I’m snacking on yummylicious Trader Joe’s quinoa and black bean infused tortilla chips with Trader Joe’s corn and chile tomato-less salsa.

Among Salt City’s Sights: Our Own Humor Columnist Celebrity

A Vacation Plug for Syracuse

Celebrities including Billy Joel, Meryl Streep and Vanessa Williams expound on the wonders of New York in a series of new 30-second tourism videos paid for by you, the taxpayer (Click here to WATCH THEM). What’s wrong with that picture? Incredibly, no one in the ILoveNY campaign asked me to provide a celebrity testimonial for Syracuse, which looks to be thoroughly dissed by the ad campaign.