Stuck in a Purgatory of Questions About Heaven and Hell

Kramer dropped by the Rosamond Gifford Zoo last week to see what God’s creatures were saying about Pope Francis’ claim that animals go to heaven.

Pope Francis uncaged a global debate when he hinted that animals go to heaven. Whether he actually meant that sparked a secondary debate, but how curious that no media have consulted those at the center of this theological rumpus: animals themselves.

Innovative Ways to Spend $1 Billion

Do you have a billion-dollar idea for Syracuse?

Some Christmas this is shaping up to be. We’ve got Governor Corrupto half-promising to give us a billion dollars and Mayor Stephanie Miner proposing we spend the windfall on the municipal equivalent of socks and underwear.

Reporting Isn’t a Tease, It’s a Job

A woman in her 60′s and her dog go missing the day before Thanksgiving.

A woman in her 60's and her dog go missing the day before Thanksgiving. Witnesses claim to have spotted them walking on Route 173 in an all-day sleet storm. She is believed to be insufficiently dressed for the weather and possibly confused. A major law enforcement response follows: Manlius police, state police, search and rescue volunteers, bloodhounds. As details dribble out on local media websites, the woman’s chances of survival seem to grow bleaker by the hour.

Still Befuddled by the Mystery of Women

“Experience a day in the life of a real woman.”

For years I’ve suspected that women lead difficult, complicated lives, and that they differ from men in more than just the obvious ways. Not being a woman, I prefer not to dwell on these matters, yet sometimes they can’t be avoided. I live with one woman plus two women-in-training, ages 14 and 11, which is to say I live in a state of deep confusion. Who are these people and what do they want?

Gas Station Pizza Was…Wanting, But We Have a Winner

Who serves the best?

As the busy Thanksgiving travel weekend approaches, thoughts inevitably turn to gas station pizza. Who serves the best?

Turns Out, We’re Not Even No. 1 at Partying

A Syverud Awakening

An iconic party venue banned. A football program in shambles. The most polite senior class in memory. And all of it overseen by a new chancellor, Kent Syverud, whose Dean Wormer-esque email blasts (“It is not good for a school to be labeled No. 1 in partying”) trigger more gag reflexes than PBR backwash.

Would your kitchen pass inspection?

Unsatisfactory inspections from the county Health Department

Another crop of popular eateries has made news for the wrong reasons. Tully’s Good Times in Liverpool and Friendly’s in DeWitt join the ever-expanding list of local favorites receiving unsatisfactory inspections from the county Health Department.

The Horror… The Horror!

Jump aboard Jeff’s Rickety Tour Bus of Central New York Horrors

Greetings, knaves and imbeciles. How good of you to JUMP aboard Creepy Master Jeff’s Rickety Tour Bus of Central New York Horrors. Perhaps you know our parent company, Malaysia Limo?

iGot My iPhone Back

Next time you steal someone’s iPhone, don’t rename it “Malik’s iPhone”

Tucked off Salt Springs Road, the Elmcrest Children’s Center aspires to “protect the promise of childhood.” Cheery cottages and playgrounds provide the setting for therapeutic services to at-risk children and families.

Kramer Says Goodbye to his Father

Kurt Kramer MAY 9, 1928 – AUG. 28, 2014

Kurt Kramer, a dispenser of kitchen table wisdom whose wisecracking style possibly influenced this columnist, has died at 86 following a stubborn battle with every disease known to Western medicine. His memorial was Saturday in Seattle.