News and Blues
by Roland Sweet - Wednesday, April 8th, 2015
Weird and funny news from throughout the nation.

Curses, Foiled Again
The civil marriage of Zubair Khan, 48, and Beata Szilagyi, 33, was exposed as a ruse to skirt British immigration laws when Khan couldn’t remember Szilagyi’s name. He delayed the ceremony to call his marriage broker for the name. The suspicious registrar called authorities, who arrested bride and groom for what Home Office immigration official Andy Sharpe called “a farcical, but nonetheless serious attempt.” (New York Daily News)

Nothing to Fear Here
The month after an inebriated government employee crashed a small drone on the White House lawn, the Secret Service announced plans to test its own “unmanned aircraft systems” to help protect the White House from drone attacks and other incursions. “I don’t think we’re talking about a battle of drones in the skies,” Michael Drobac, executive director of the pro-drone Small UAV Coalition, said. “This isn’t Battlestar Galactica gone drone. I think this is simply an ability to monitor. I’m confident they’re not intending to use weaponized drones.” (The Washington Times)

It Happens
U.S. Customs and Border Protection posted job opportunities for doctors to help monitor suspected smugglers’ bowel movements at New York’s John F. Kennedy International Airport. Applicants must be available around the clock to use X-rays to examine body cavities of suspected “swallowers.” If drugs or other contraband materials are detected, “the detainee may be held for a monitored bowel movement (MBM) to wait the passage of the contraband,” according to the CBP, which uses a high-tech toilet to recover the material from the waste passed by the suspected smuggler. (The Washington Times)

Because It’s There
Human waste left by climbers on Mount Everest is causing pollution and threatening to spread disease, according to the head of Nepal’s mountaineering association. Ang Tshering told reporters more than 700 foreign climbers and guides spend two months climbing the world’s tallest peak during the brief climbing season, leaving feces and urine at four camps where they stay to acclimate themselves to the altitude. “Climbers usually dig holes in the snow for their toilet use and leave the human waste there,” Tshering said, adding the waste has been “piling up” for years. (Associated Press)

Familiarity Breeds Attempt
Christopher Miller, 41, served 15 years in prison for robbing three businesses, including a Stride Rite shoe store in Toms River, N.J. The day after he was paroled, he returned to the same Stride Rite store and robbed the same clerk, who had been notified of Miller’s release. Miller pleaded guilty and faces 10 to 20 years in prison. (NJ.com)

Nut-Job Update
Cho Hyn-ah, the former Korean Air vice president who ordered a plane back to its gate after a first-class flight attendant served her macadamia nuts in an unopened package instead of on a plate, received a year in prison for violating aviation safety law. Park Chang-jin, the steward who was removed from the plane, said Cho, one of South Korea’s wealthiest women, forced him and the junior attendant to apologize on their knees, “like slaves in a medieval era.” (The New York Times)

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