Divorce through collaboration is a gentler way to end a marriage

By Molly English-Bowers

If you think marriage is forever, try divorce on for size. Especially if you have children in common with your soon-to-be ex-spouse. Going to court is becoming passe, now that a collection of Syracuse attorneys is trying to get the word out about a new way to divorce. They have introduced a fourth way to dissolve a marriage, one that was devised by a Buddhist lawyer from Minneapolis. Wanting to try something other than litigation, mediation or alternative adversarial negotiation, CNY Collaborative Family Law Professionals formed five years ago, after two Syracuse attorneys ventured to Rochester to learn more.

"I had heard about it,” says attorney Gay Custer, explaining why she decided to look into using collaboration as an option for ending a marriage, “and I’ve litigated for 23 years. It seemed to me to be a process where parties could maintain some dignity and design their own future instead of sitting in the hallway outside the courtroom while two attorneys are in with the judge figuring out their future for them.”

Dan Cantone: “Unlike litigation where judges adhere strictly to the law, attorneys and couples in collaborative law cases have the freedom to be creative.” MICHAEL DAVIS PHOTOS

When they got back to town, Custer and colleague Lisa Fahey contacted other matrimonial lawyers to gauge interest. “The matrimonial bar, in Syracuse, seems resistant to change,” Custer adds. “So Lisa and I purchased a bunch of pizzas and invited 20 or 30 people who we thought would be receptive. One of the trainers from Rochester came in to present to the group. Then we hustled to get a training session set up and got enough people to start a group.”

Fast-forward to 2009 and CNY Collaborative just seated a new board, with attorney Dan Cantone taking over the president’s chair from Greg Monashefsky. The group now numbers 30 attorneys, three financial planners and five mental health professionals; those facilitators, as they are called, are ready to assist with the auxiliary issues that divorce presents, including emotional and monetary. 

So instead of being assigned a court date, at which time the parties present their case, the attorneys advocate for their clients and the judge ultimately makes the decision, collaboration returns control to the divorcing parties. Through a series of meetings, which generally last between two and four hours several times a month, each party, with their attorney by their side, negotiates the provisions of a separation agreement. When they get stuck, the attorneys are there to nudge, cajole, sometimes argue; but everyone ultimately gets back on track. It sounds like mediation, but it’s not.