Curses, Foiled Again

Liquor store clerk Joseph Wescott, 59, told police in Roswell, Ga., that a man entered the store and tried to stab him in the chest. The knife hit the cell phone in Wescott’s shirt pocket but did not injure Wescott, who pulled a gun and shot the would-be robber in the abdomen. He then used the cell phone to call police, who reported finding suspect Carlos Jean Pierre, 34, at a nearby hospital. Both the gun and the phone were gifts from Wescott’s son, a police officer.

Police arrested Lisa Roshelle Myles, 40, at a Target store in Oklahoma City after employees said they saw her stuff Blu-ray discs in her pants and try to waddle away without paying. The Oklahoman reported that a search revealed Myles had 33 discs in her pants.

British police nabbed three men who robbed a jewelry store in Guildford, Surrey, even though they fled the scene in a stolen high-speed Alfa Romeo, because getaway driver Neil Murray, 34, not only refused to break the speed limit, but at times was driving below the limit. The Daily Telegraph reported police caught up to the robbers within 30 minutes.

Thanks Indeed

An Ontario family said their Thanksgiving dinner was ruined when ashes of their mother leaked into the mashed potatoes. The Hamilton Spectator reported Lisa Blair, 31, and two of her sisters were wearing lockets containing some of their mother’s ashes when the incident occurred. Blair also found ashes all over her white sweater. The family spent $140 each for the lockets, which were not professional urn jewelry provided by funeral homes, but the Casket Store, a funeral service company, offered to reseal the lockets for free.

Off-Season’s Greetings

Joshua Johnson, 26, injured himself while riding a snowmobile in Waterloo, N.Y., when it flipped and threw him off, then struck him in the head and chest. Deputies noted Johnson was test-riding the vehicle but wasn’t wearing a helmet, plus there was no snow on the ground.

Instant Karma

After Todd Thomas, 40, and his wife argued at a friend’s house in Biddeford, Maine, she left on foot. Cumberland County Sheriff’s deputies told the Portland Press Herald that Thomas followed in his 1988 Chevrolet 3500 dump truck and tried to run her down. He missed, however, drove off the road and crashed into some trees.

Life Imitates the
Smothers Brothers

Vincent Smith II, 29, died after he slipped and fell into a vat of molten chocolate at a factory in Camden, N.J. Jason Laughlin of the Camden County Prosecutor’s Office said that before co-workers could rescue Smith from the 8-foot-deep vat, “he was hit by a piece of equipment called the agitator that’s used to stir, and that killed him.”

Great Escapes No. 2,375

Inmate Curtis Jones escaped from the Howard County, Mo., jail by folding a cardboard toilet paper holder and using it to jam the lock to his cell door. He was arrested a short time later, according to authorities, who noted Jones also escaped in 1966 from a different county jail by climbing through a hole in the ceiling.

Abuse by the Pint

The Casa Pocho bar in the Spanish town of Cullera is encouraging its customers to insult its staff and is even offering free drinks for original or hilarious abuse. Polish-born bar owner Bernard Mariusz told Reuters he came up with the idea to help people release their frustrations at the economy. “That way,” he said, “they won’t have to let it out on their family.” 

Hoping for a Bailout

The economic downturn has accelerated the collapse of Ponzi schemes by making it harder for fraud artists to find new investors to keep their operations going, according to the FBI, which has almost 500 Ponzi investigations under way. “We have more open Ponzi scheme cases than at any time in FBI history,” Special Agent David G. Nanz told The Washington Post. “We anticipated a spike, but the numbers we are seeing are even greater than expected.” Nanz added: “There is an old saying, though: ‘When the tide goes out, you can see who isn’t wearing a bathing suit.’ And that definitely applies to Ponzi” operators.

Slightest Provocation

Sheriff’s officials in Lee County, Fla., arrested Meredith Hart Mulcahy, 66, for shaking her 71-year-old common-law husband during an argument that began over undercooked potatoes and overcooked bread.